I've been doing a lot of really stupid shit recently. My friends say I'm becoming increasingly self-destructive. I guess it kinda happens when you're not watching.
I've managed to push Justin away completely. I think I managed it quite well by basically telling him to f**k off. He's gone through a hell of a lot recently and didn't deserve it at all, and he still remains not talking to me. I think he's taking it a 'little' far now, but maybe it's a good thing we've found out how extreme we can be. I don't know...I really don't know.
And so the other night I end up taking a drug I thought I would never take with a bunch of guys who will probably spend the majority of their lives in jail or won't be alive at all to tell the tale. They kept a gun underneath the couch 'just in case'. I can't survive like this.
Had a letter from my Aunt who thinks I should go back to Australia. It wouldn't be a bad idea. I have constant dreams about the horses and my little life there, and I'm NOWHERE near a pub. I might not have a social life but at least I'm alive.
But my JOB is changing and that looks like it's going in a good direction. I wish this job was boring, or I worked with fuckwits....it would make this so much easier.
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