Farting NZ cows and sheep

Amazing that now they are discussing reducing methane produced by farting/belching cattle and sheep which would apparently save the planet, maybe.

Monday morning and I'm up and about to head out to work. The vet clinic I work at is a great place, but seem to enforce rules and regulations by sending out stern emails every now and then, rather than discussing things with people.

It is supposed to be 21c today. That means flip flops. I am proud to see that the bulbs I planted in late Autumn are peeping through. If they actually flower I'll be orgasmic. I love spring here. Everything comes alive and the landscape is rejuvenated. I saw my first cherry blossom tree yesterday. This is a wonderful sign.

Jesus H you know the rest...

It took me so long to log into this today. I had completely forgotten my username, email AND password.

My last drink was April Fool's Day, which is in itself ironic. Prior to that the last time I had a drink was Jan 22nd. I fucked up when somebody said: "Beer?" to me on Thursday night. It was as easy as that.

At group this morning when it was my turn to speak I was truthful and told, and repeated that "I need a sponsor." I was approached after the meeting had ended and told by one of the girl's that if I was coming to group on Tuesday she would make sure I was put in contact with someone who could help me then. Now I'm nervous. I'm not sure what it involves, what it means, and selfishly, how much time it will take up.

Today is Easter Sunday and we went to bf's sister's house and watch everyone else drink.

Updating

Holy crap has it ever been a while.

I had intended to update this regularly but Dave started getting a little paranoid when I sat writing - the poor bastard thinks I'm going to meet someone online and run off again. That would never happen - I really learned from my mistakes.

So as I write this my life has changed dramatically. I note that one of my last posts was concerning a night at Steve and Michelle's and coincidentally, another night at Steve and Michelle's was the catalyst for me quitting drinking for the umpteenth time. This time Dave is also following suit, and we're achieving a lot. I'm proud of both of us. Bar one slight upset where we both had 'a drink' but not got drunk (again, that was really good for us) we haven't drunk since the beginning of January, and not touched alcohol since Jan 22nd. It's a month!

I've been trying to connect with myself spiritually. Trying to find 'Sarah'. She's been oddly vacant for a number of years and I am enjoying getting to know her.

I am working at a vet's clinic now and love that it gives me time to enjoy other activities in the morning as I start in the afternoon. I have time for myself...however, there's NO money in it! I've begun oil painting and have vague notions that if I get good enough I could sell animal portraits through the clinic - people spend huge on pets. I always thought I would be horribly crap at painting but oils are so forgiving - any mistakes you make you just paint right over until you get it right. Rather symbolic of how we should be living life in fact.

Break and enter leaves couple puzzled

Very odd. Someone got into Dave's van last night and left a lovely yellow flowering pot plant in the vehicle. How bizarre is that??

What is normal for you isn't normal for me

I've had a fucked up weekend. Things don't make sense.

We went to Steve and Michelle's on Saturday night. I knew I was going to drink. I partly didn't care. Partly did. But we bought beer, arrived, and I cracked one open. Dave mentions on the way over that Cory might be showing up. As soon as I hear this guy is going to be somewhere, I'm naturally concerned. He's now bragging about how invincible he is - I called this months ago. Consistently talking about the event because he hasn't processed what has happened to him. I wish the guys could talk. If only they could open up to each other they would all be better off - but that's not the way they do things. Instead they all survive by being alcoholics but in some weird ways THRIVING off it - saying that "Life fucked me up so I have to drink". It's really each person's own choice to choose not to think about everything, not to deal with everything. I WANT to deal with everything, I'm at that point. It's true that there is a safety in being in that 'clique'- the too drunk to fuck elite.

Cory continues to make references to other women all the time - Laura seems to laugh it off, then next thing you know she's outside bawling her eyes out. She tells us that he has been hitting her. I can't even believe what I'm hearing. And yet she's sticking up for him. I don't fucking get it. what is wrong with people? She seems more concerned with the fact that he is looking at other women than the fact that he is physcially abusing her. She is starting to hate herself and wonders why. Best of all - they INVITE other people into the bedroom, so they have threesomes with another girl and then...as Cory is gay and although starting to open up about it a little, still won't fully admit it (just like he can't admit he's an alcoholic, hence all these problems) they make a booty call and Laura sits downstairs watching TV while Cory is up in the bedroom fucking a guy. Is this not the most fucked up story ever?

Beautiful Saturday

The titles I choose are always so dull. I wish I didn't have to title each post. Nuff said.

Today is Saturday, and it's beautiful.

SEE...

Actually, not so beautiful now, as the thunder came...challenged the sun to a dual, and ultimately won.

However, good day in general. Picked up Ethan and took him out to the dog park with the dog (funnily enough). I'm tired. I shouldn't type when I am tired.

Ethan is staying over. I cosied up his room (cosied isn't even a word) - I think Pat must have been silently overseeing this. It looks nice. He wanted to watch Star Wars II so I went to Blockbuster (which has now decided that the 'no late fees' initiative wasn't such a great idea after all and is now requesting that you return the movie five seconds after you watch it) and we spent the evening watching that before he went to bed far too late. He slept easily, and the dog cuddled up with him.

Went to see a psychic this morning and she was bang on. I was really impressed, which doesn't come easily.

Dave is now in bed with me and wants to go to sleep - so goodbye to this for the night. Hope the rain is gone tomorrow.

Fear mongering

Started my web design course last night at the local college. It was so comforting to be told the procedures should a gunman enter the building and attempt to kill us all. We were told in all seriousness that we should turn off the lights, turn off our cell phones(???), close the door and move away from the look-through window. Basically - WE MUST GET OUT OF THE LINE OF FIRE. I couldn't believe it! I looked around the room incredulously (as thankfully some of the other people did) and wondered what the hell the world has come to.

Cats will rule the world!

Just came back from lunch (actually over an hour ago but time flies when you're having fun) and I heard/saw a guy driving around with Britney Spears absolutely blaring out his car. I thought it was really bizarre - just unexpected, and kind of nasty...let's face it.

So last night I watched a great show on the Discovery show that basically said that 100 years after humans are evicted from this place we called Earth, cats will prevail and will rule the world. Flying cats at that. It was incredible. Apparently they really are pretty rocking creatures, and the fact they already tend to inhabit abandoned historic buildings (some amphitheaters in Italy apparently...) they are going to take over everywhere; The White House, Buckingham Palace; Times Square. Pity I'm not going to be around to see it. I'd get a kick out of that.

Teeny tiny chairs are no good for knees

Poor Dave. We drove up to Massey Hall to see Flight of the Conchords last night and THE crappiest seats in the house. It was truly a disaster. We watched the first four songs and then I realized that Dave was becoming more and more uncomfortable so I finally said let's go.

Felt TERRIBLE as I sold two tickets to a couple of New Zealanders. I thought the seats were going to be better than that - truly. Urgh.

Came home lamenting about how we're too old for this sort of thing now.

Slept on the couch as I wanted room to myself and got really annoyed listening to the fish tank plip plop with chinese water torture. Why the hell do people get fish tanks? Why did I get a fish tank? Supposed to be all Feng Shui and shit.....just bloody annoying if you ask me. The millions of empty fish tanks available for sale on sites such as Kijiji.ca state the fact that we are a nation of morons who think it will be 'fun' to keep fish. No.....they are FAR too much effort and don't even hold a good conversation, let alone find a job to pay their way.

Wait....here's some fish who work.

Lunchtime

Ran home at lunchtime to play on Mac and practice guitar. Decided to download the entire Adobe collection and see how much fun I can have with that. I'll need a few of the programs for the web course in any case so might as well just do it all now.

Downloaded a bunch of Tori music sheets and it's pretty to even LOOK at. How does she do that?

Tonight I am going to see Flight of the Conchords! Don't fancy the drive much, but I've sold two tickets to a couple of New Zealanders on Kijiji. How weird is that? Dave asked me how the fuck I do it. I don't know.

Observation: There seems to be a push on 'Beautiful Russian Mailorder Brides' on the internet.

Silence, silence....SILENCE!!!!

WTF is it with this place? Nobody speaks to each other, nobody says "Good Morning!" to people as they arrive, how can that start the day off on a good note?? This place is truly silent, and while I appreciate the lack of noise for concentration, it would also be nice to feel like I wasn't completely alone in the office. That maybe, I'm not the only one having thoughts.

So odd....

MacBook Pro is here! And the story of the whirring cat feeder.

I received my lovely package (Sarah loves her package) at work today and took it home at lunch time to unwrap and drool. Really very impressed and that was just with the packaging - God knows about the computer's actual capabilities.

I find it incredible that I have only peed once today (after getting up and that pee of course) and that pee was at home during the MacBook Pro excitement.

I shall now go and pee in that case.

No, wait. I have sent a million messages to Caroline and now feel like I'm stalking her. Am I? Oooh shit...that could be a problem.

Sent Becky a note as today her Mom died two years ago.

Weird thing happened this morning in fact. I was about to feed the cats this morning when I hear a huge whirring sound coming from Pat's old white stand that she had the microwave on. I open it up and it is the automatic cat feeder that I bought over a year ago and have never used (I'm worried my cats will starve to death if I dare use it when I'm away). You have to physically switch a switch at the bottom from OFF to ON to make it work, and it was switched to ON. Weird?? We currently have all her things in the dining room (where this happened) as Dave and I brought them all up from storage last week. This would provide more energy I would think for her to work off to do something like this. Maybe I'm talking crap, but I have a feeling that it was something to do with Pat. It happened on the day she died, and even at the same time. Coincidence? It hasn't happened since I've had the thing. I also thought it was funny as of course she would be asking me to pop in to feed our little Queen Luxy!

Six figure walk

Skiing in England, and...it's cold.

On my way to bed but have to write. Went to the ATM after work today and sneezed nine times in succession and WHAMMO! I have a cold. I mean, I was in Blockbuster just two minutes prior and was fine....how???

Bf had the great suggestion of going skiing in my hometown next time we are back in the UK. We live in Canada. Where's the logic?

Poem

Crisp

Through grass

Dewdrops

On toes

Seal

My fate

Define

My foes

Believe

Thou dost

Of caverns

Unlit

And forsake

This hour

Our sacred

Script

Beeping people

Can't believe it. Driving to work this morning and some asshole BEEPS me because I let someone in! What is it with people here and their complete intolerance of politeness? No wonder people spend hours stuck in traffic jams when their sheer attitude of 'SELF' importance stands above anything else.

Anyway, now I'm sitting at work and wondering why people don't have a sense of humour, because they really don't.

I hate: men wearing pointy shoes. So ugly! They look like witches shoes on women, and on guys it's even worse!

Macbook Pro, perchance?

I am desperate to get a Macbook Pro. I mean look at it........loooooooooook at it. Gorgeous. I want to be inspired; I want to write, I want to create videos, I want to create music. And for this I MUST have a Macbook Pro.

I figure if I have a 'youknow-what' I can be fantastically creative whilst spending time with Dave. I can still 'be there' on the couch with him, I'll just be typing away at the same time!

There is so much I want to do. I think the buzz of spring has me keen to take on a million courses and get ridiculously busy again. I actually picked up a pencil and paper last night and started sketching the cats. If there's one thing I should be able to draw, it's the cats. I have spent my entire life looking at them. I know each fuzzy hair, eyeball and claw and more importantly the purry energy that resonates from them.

Next week I begin my second bereavement course at Mohawk, and my first website course. It's back to basics - learning html etc, but I think it can only help with this job. I'm now working for a web design company doing website updates and things through a content management system. I think I'm going to like it if I can just get my shit together. I lose confidence when I don't know what I'm doing - and really, I am learning and think it will take a while. One of the developers can be very inpatient and a bit of an ass. In fact a total ass. I have a very strong feeling I'm going to scream at him if he continues - but then of course he's happy again and everything is rosey.

Almost rosey - Tori Amos has a new album coming out on May, 19th, 2009. Coincidentally it is the same date as I am seeing Leonard Cohen with Caroline at Copps Coliseum. This is Caroline, who was Craig's girlfriend/friend/lover/smoocheroo - she was a bit of everything. She was the girl I hated but now adore - I don't think I ever hated her really, you can't hate someone you don't know. We've talked so much about Craig and it's amazing the facts we are pulling together now. Something she said really touched me - she said that she had known Craig for 16 years and she feels like I know him just as well. It helps to be told that I'm not crazy, and my feelings about him are true - we did actually spend time together, talk and share, and it isn't my imagination.

Forest Gump lives!

Oh thank goodness for Dave, for he tells me the most wonderful stories.

He is working installing flooring for city public housing at the moment, and was doing an installation at a welfare unit where the couple and their three children were still living there. The guy spent the entire time outside polishing his car, not saying anything. The girl, who was of course exceptionally young to have three children, remarked that Steve (Dave's co-worker) sounded like Forest Gump!!! What????? But then, to make it even better she announced "Well what's the problem? Forest Gump made a lot of money from that film".

Dave pissed himself.

Oh! And the car that the guy kept polishing was an old VW Jetta!!!!! Hahahahaha.

Why didn't you just stay away?

Why didn't you just stay away, stay far away........not push into and extract; Grip tight and detract what we had. What was fact. You sad little thing. You trip and make excuses, blame me for your own nuances - what you couldn't have, what you couldn't face. What you weren't. Weren't for him and weren't for yourself.

I know the truth.

Holy Christmas Trees!

It's not Christmas and I'm nowhere near a Christmas tree! What am I talking about? Ah....

I haven't written on this thing for so long, and SO much has happened:

1. I bought a horse
2. I moved into my own apartment
3. I met a guy (a great guy)
4. I bought a car (this is in no particular order)
5. I left my job
6. I got a job
7. I went back to England
8. I had contact with my father
   
9. I had contact with my father's wife
10. My father died
11. I had contact with my half-sister
12. I am now speaking to Caroline, Craig's ex, and have discovered she is an absolutely delightful person and I can completely understand and see what he adored about her.