Visions of you.

Today I see Craig in the shopping mall. He is standing in front of me as I walk, standing sideways with his head turned away from me. For a moment my step falters and I look at him -- imagining it to be him and that none of the sadness had happened -- and then his head turns and my heart sinks as his face is not his own but belongs to a stranger. It looked so much like him standing there; same posture, same build -- his hands in his pockets -- I thought it was him.

I have not taken any Paxil today but my hormones are kicking in. It's a definitive cycle. I get horribly teary and become a huge pain in the bum for everyone I work with and basically ANYONE who has to deal with me. I seem to take a lot of it out on my friend Justin -- maybe it's because the poor bugger is male and I feel safe enough with him to let go of some of this anger -- it's certainly not fair on him, especially since he's been such a huge help to me through all of this torment.

I went to look at new cars. Could handle the cost of a new car but it seems the cost of insurance could eat me alive.

I'm new to Canada -- arrived here from Australia, via England (more on that to come) but unfortunately my prior driving experience (I have been driving since age 17) counts for peanuts. It'll be a whopping $305 per month and that's through a buddy of a buddy. I phoned an alternative company and was quoted just under $600 a month -- holy f&*k! I'm hoping to get a horse but I might as well scrap the car and just ride the horse to work.

Horses = therapy. Sadly, neither come cheap.